PEACE

finally get to update blog after long unwanted break..i had to finish 5 assingments in like 3 days..eventually, stress caught on me and i had to go into deep meditation for 15 mins everyday to get back to my senses..lately,i feel dat sumthing has been bothering me either at night or early mornin..i dunno wat it is..a spirit,a creature or just my imagination?? but now,everything seems to be ok,according to someone,i just gotta hang on to my senses...thx gurl..in just a month,alot of crazy stuff happened...i had to do sumthing i hated all my life..DEBATE!!!..sigh*..i dunno how and wat's da purpose of debate but was chosen together with sarah,i lyn,ivy and rashim as a team...da whole business faculty had high hopes for us to win..mind you dat we were goin against ADP seniors..lol..but guess wat,it turned out to be quite fun after all..partly coz we won!!!!!!..da bad news,we represent SEGi coll to fight against INTI and TAYLORS..i hate*..no choice now..haizzzzz.

i find peace in a punching bag..da impact rate seems to go higher everytime i lay my punch...i dunno why but there's a rage inside me waiting to burst..everytime something goes wrong, u push your anger towards me..u know i have a big open heart,dats y u think im just a place for u to release anger..i've got a limit and somehow u nearly passed dat..plz,there's a limit in playing..dun let me burst..i dont want history to repeat itself in a different situation..since then,i've never let go my anger..now your pusing it..dun think i can be fooled with..u dont know me..u really just dont.

HOME...there's 3 songs i like with dat title..micheal bubble,bone thugs & harmony feat phil collins and chris daughtry..i added chris's song below..apart from being meaningful,i find a great sense of the feeling i needed..home..;)

home

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, it makes true
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

~joe50~

A deep feeling, thrown out

I'm sorry that i bought you roses to tell you that i like you

I'm sorry That I was raised with respect, enough not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry that I open your car door,and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"

I'm sorry That I am actually nice ; not an asshole

I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just f**k you like some random guy.

I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to talk to,but never good enough to date

I'm sorry ,that when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry If Im not there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around

I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care

But most of all I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry I can ever do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry I caught your bf with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm Sorry That i cared

I'm sorry that I listen to you at night talk about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. All i just wanna say is, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to,maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

~joe50~

spOOks

finally one massive assingment is over..5 more to go..super stress and coincidently da assingment is about stress..LOL..wanna blog oso no energy to type..anywayz, the month of febuary and current month march has been quite interesting..celebrated CNY with friends..visit houses,collected ang pau's and ate good foods...i had a great time with them..haha..even though i enjoyed the CNY week, there were some incidents that kinda got me shaken..ok,some of u guys might not believe wat im gonna say but it didnt jas happen to me but quite alot of other friends too.

it happened on a thursday mornin..bout 4am..the day before it happened,i was out for a friends dinner and came home bit tipsy..got a few drinks..heheh..anywayz,wen i reached home i slept like a log..didnt move at all...couldnt sleep coz i felt like something wasn't right around myself...i didnt care much coz i was soooo tired...2 hours later i heard a loud boom outside my room..sounded like a big explosion... my mom came running to my room and woke me up..she was like "joel!!! come 2 da hall quickly..sumthings happening..i was like plz dun wake me..i really couldnt open my eyes la...still, got out from my bed and wen to da hall dragging my feet...wat i saw next really made my jaw drop..my sliding glass door was vibrating and shaking at a rate so fast,i tot it would break anytime...i checked outside but there was no wind blowing...nothing is hitting da glass alos but it kept shaking... me, my mom and both sis was quite scared...im still a MAN OKAY...haha...it stopped for a min and suddenly sumthing banged again on da glass..tis continued for atleast more than an hour...FREAKY!!!!!....all we could do was sit and pray watever tryin to come in da house would go away....this happened after my dad went to work bout 4am...my mom and sis were too terrified so i asked them to go upstairs..dun open any windows or doors...letting 'IT' in would be a huge mistake...i couldnt sleep at all after dat...sigh*...i really dunno wat happened..mayb my head is playing tricks and games wit me but my whole family witnessed it...i really cant explain it but im still shaken..for da moment la...ahhahah.

watever dat i experienced, dat exact same stuff happened to a few other frens..i aint gonna put their name's ere..alot more stuffs happened but its to deep to go into la..dun wanna spread the story..as if people would believe..but to those who experienced it, ya'll know wat im talkin about...seeing is believing..TRUE.

end of spooky stories..haha

songs can really either cheer a person or make him or her feel the emotion they wanna feel...i heard a very nice song played at my friends mother's funeral...its called 'coming back home'...listening to the song kinda made me emotional and teary...well,gotta blame my fren next to me oso..she was cryin hard...no pun intended...da lyrics was so beautiful and touching...wasnt a suprise coz it was written by some great and talented people in the church...okok,cant be emo edi.

im just wandering, if something happened to me, and i will never get the chance to do or say what i wanna say...i might never show my love to a special someone..never get to see a bright new hope..never to see a chance coming by...she'll never know what i am to her...i cant live my life on regrets coz life is unpredictable...i can be here one moment, another moment im gone..i dun want it to be too late..what you think of me?..someday you'll look back, and see me holding you in my arms...what more can i say?me and you? ni he wo?

~end~

pushing away..never

wish the day i was living wouldnt be so empty,
wish my homie's wouldnt have to suffer,
letting the streets getting the best of them,
wish i could go deep in the zone,
and use these words to lift a spirit up.
wish i could teach a sould to fly,
take away your pain and help hold them high

tell you this,
we will never break,we shall motivate
and we gotta pray,coz all we got is faith..
i want us to go straight forward..

you and me


damn, why is it so hard to tell you the truth...everytime its just the both of us, be it either dinner,movies, playin pool or jas plain hangin out..i know you better then him..you know me the same way...so close yet so far..no one knows my dirty little secret..i need to tell you tho..its neither bad nor good...whatever will happen to this story?the ending seems to be really dull...lets spice things up...wooohooo..time is still standing still..never moving for life.

~tiesto->love comes again..(magic series)

new nick's......B cUbe..and HuggY BeaR....lol.

BEACH,ICE...broke!!!

wow...its been quite awhile since i continued 2 blog...can say dat i didnt have motivation and inspiration..haha..anywayz 2007 so far has started off quite well for me..ill start wit last months stuff.....------->(fast forward 2 da 31st)..lol...celebrated my best frens 21st b'da in BEACH CLUB, KL...tell u da truth,we had a blast over there..new clubbin athmosphere...unfortunately, da biggest turn off was the 'gurls'...some were TRANS and most of them were prostitutes...da bapuk's were freakin scary but i din realise they were 'trans' till they opened their mouths.."yucks"!!!!!!!...anwayz da party and music was awesome...big thumbs up for the band oso...came back home bout 4am....tired!!!!!!..haha,eventually january eneded wit a massive bang..now to febuary.

BROKE!!!!!!!...hahaha..i jas bought a new ICE system(in-car entertainment) coz my previous system was in a frens car which unfortunately was stolen...haizzzz..i had a 'father and son' berbonding session while installing da system in da car...had a great time with laughs all..hahaha..now i can blast cool songs..woohoooo...happening wei!!.....since valentines is comin up,i gotta help 'leo'club' in coll 2 sell some great stuffs..gonna be busy but its cool..we all can do it..assingments piling up...sigh*


"I wake up in da mornin...found you smiling right next to me...your smile never fails to make my blood rush..why? there's no feeling like having you in my arms..the sweet smell of your hair, the soft and warm skin of you...everything about you just makes me wanna fly away and never to look back...we walked in the park,hand to hand...you told me to worry bout nothing...the kiss was so perfect that it keeps playin in my mind over and over again...how am i to forget this beautiful relationship.....where are you now?..i dont want you..i need you...i dun like you..i love you....i have nothin more to say....it aint over till its over"


if ur wondering wats dat all about,ill explain...since last week i've been havin a dream..it feels so real dat its alomst dat i can really feel it...tis gurl keeps appearing 2 me...she keeps giving me tis real love feelin...wat does it really mean?..i dunno but i cant seem 2 remember her face n now slowly she's dissappearing away...its funny how sumthin can feel so real but da truth is, its not.
If it really is bound 2 happen then tis love will be so pure and deep...da gud feeling never dies..ya'll should watch tis movie---->'only if'...it tells a sacrifice of a loved one which is so great.

oh..wait a min..how come im doin tis??writin emo stuff all....hmm..must be da valentines sickness...hahaha..anywayz,wat ever it is,im lovin it....yea baby~


~joe50~

Year end accomplishments..not full~

hmm,i dont think i'll start with an emo post at tis time..doesnt feel right..lol..so i shall list down my accomplishment for my new resolution of 2006.

in life:
~drive back my manual car..(all those who sat in my car, ur reactions were
really funny la..LOL)
~celebrate all my best friends birthday in clubs
~get into a meaningful relationship..(never came about..sigh)
~be the best centreback for football..(did it in coll n skol)
~never curse or any obscenity..(i really tried..but there were times la..haha)
~have a positive mindset if im in trouble
~drink liquor till i drop..(regretted so much and hurts alot)
~tried shisha..(not bad but its 400 times worse than cigg's)
~try cooking superb dishes..(try my mint curry chicken,,awsome)
~GET LAID!!!!..lol..(I WISH!!!!)..nearly tho..hehe

in college:
~try to pay attention in class.(right)
~get active in culbs and societies
~be all the teachers pet
~find friends that can be trusted and never let me walk alone
~be a model..(didnt see it comin..check out my boxer's pose)
~drive to college...(n get saman on da last day...crap)

now is the best part...haha...building up my body

in gym:
~bench press 180 lbs (approx 90 kg) for chest
~squat 200 lbs for thighs (approx 100 kg)
~leg press 300 lbs for lower legs (approx 150 kg)
~deadlift 200 lbs for lower back (approx 100 kg)
~lift 70 lbs for biceps (approx 30 kg)
~lift 70 lbs for triceps (approx 30 kg)
~180 sit ups for abs
~chin up with weights..approx 25 lbs

(no comment)

hahaha..now thats wicked...all this is my biggest accomplishments tis year...that how i grow bigger month by month..lol...there's alot more i accomplished but i cant remember yet...haha..unfortunately some of my other resolution cant be achieved..which is quite important and more meaningful..to bad..theres always next year tho.

ps: dun be afraid jas bcoz i lift heavy..i wont eat u..okok,mayb ill jas bite...wahahaha...HAPPY AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVEYONE~

happy and merry christmas!!!

christmas is just around the corner...everywhere we go, there are beautiful decorations around malls and supermarkets playin christmas songs...you can see people doin their last minute shoppin buyin new shirts n dresses, cool shoes n gifts..i was sittin n just lookin at them runnin about hurryin like as if tommorow never comes..truthfully, i jas was thinkin to myself..is this really wat christmas is all about?...buyin new stuffs, hurryin n fighting just to get gifts for family, friends n loved one's...i lost my spirit of christmas years back when somethin unexpected happened...well,jas talkin bout it worsens da feeling...every year i try my best to get back my spirit but it fails..so tis year i decided 2 just sit n watch how people go about during tis christmas season...every week ill go to different malls n look at decorations n yea,bit of shoppin too..i see small kids gettin excited buyin new toys, teenagers gettin somethin new to wear and da adults buyin presents wrapped so beautifully with ribbons...somehow, it makes me feel excited too..but then i jas taught to myself, tis izzint what christmas about.

Christmas is the birth of jesus..its a day so special to each and everyone of us..da joyous moment that we celebrate every year on the 25th of December...the way i see it every year, christmas has become too commercialized...it is celebrated with no meaning at all by certain people...there nothin wrong with it but the least they can do is jas remember that its a joyous occasion and the day a saviour is born...

tis a season of giving..as in instead of spending money on things you already own, use dat money to buy things for charity homes..give to the poor, the needy...show some love to the people that need it most...there are alot of unfortunate kids and individuals out there who dont have much to eat n live on..my new years resolution is to give someone i love the best gift of all for christmas...dat didnt happen but wat im doin now is no different...i've put aside some cash 2 give to da poor..not much but atleast i can put a smile on their faces at tis time...the only christmas gift i want this time is the love from each of my dear family and friends..also, the best gift is to see each and everyone of u guys n gals bein happy n smiling.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YA'LL READIN MY POST NOW..THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND LOVES....I LOVE YOU PEOPLE LOTS..HAHA..TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS..;)


ps:my next post is gonna be quite da emofying...LOL...but hope i recover by then la..all thanks to the person i loved and cared for so many years..thank you 4 backstabbin me.